Instructor Certification Program
Weekly Thought Volume - 121 - It's Not Your Fault. Or Is It?
I swear, blogs are going to be the death of me. A plethora of fascinating sources of information hit me every day. I’m fascinated by the seemingly endless variety of subjects and information strings that I can peruse. Most are dismissed, but occasionally I find one that touches a nerve or inspires further thought and even an occasional weekly thought. Such was the case lately when a blogger I often visit went off on a tirade about his employer and how this employer has become the bane of his existence as well as the source of all his stress and worry. Oh, “if only he understood what I know!” I believe he referred to his supervisor as a 6’2” talking A**hole.
Interesting. I felt the nerve twitch.
Now, don’t get me wrong….I’ll be the first to note that when things don’t go just the way you want them to, it’s a hell of a lot easier to blame it on someone else than take the personal responsibility for whatever happened.
Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve never done it? Of course you have! Everybody has. Yes, EVERYBODY. Heck, I’m in almost constant self-analysis and even I realize that.
It feels good to go home and rant about your lunatic boss, doesn’t it? Pound on the table…kick the cat…stomp your feet; This guy makes your life a living hell! Or, it’s a coworker that just got promoted when you CLEARLY deserved it! Sure, it feels good! Have a couple of drinks. It gets better, right?
Well, the only problem with that strategy is that, in all likelihood, you’re full of it. Oh yes! Not only that but on some basic level, you know you’re REALLY full of it, which is what’s REALLY pissing you off.
So here’s the thing: it’s unhealthy for you. It’s unhealthy for your career too.
There is a mechanism in play here – a mechanism of a self-limiting and destructive nature – which also happens to be self-perpetuating in an infinite loop. It kind of works like this:
Round and round it goes…and you end up with a self-perpetuating slow destruction of your career. To make it worse, it’s very easy to slip down that rabbit hole. I personally have found myself gripping the edge on numerous occasions in my life. I’ve developed very strong fingers.
Well, now that we’ve all had this brilliant flash of intuition, I bet you want to know how to stop doing it. How do you break the loop?
Aye, there’s the rub.
My daughter posted a quote the other day that I love, and it illustrates that before anything can happen, you have to believe that it can happen….
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." —Albert Einstein
We’re all capable and smart enough to make a change in the way we do things if we just stop and think about it. The challenge is HOW to do that.
Most assuredly, the first thing you have to do is recognize the problem is there in the first place. Yup, there it is…looking at you in the mirror. Let’s call that NEWSFLASH #1. While that’s important, the second step is actually much harder. NEWSFLASH #2 recognizes that it’s a lot harder to change behavior that you’ve spent a lifetime perfecting. It’s hard work. Not many have the training to do it.
Regardless, it’s doable…but it ain’t no slam dunk. A lot of the signs you need to recognize that you even have a problem aren’t all that obvious since most of us aren’t consciously aware of our own self-limiting and self-destructive behavior. After reducing my medications for additional clarity (less Scotch), I dug a little deeper into the subject. I find that there are some things that you can look for that clearly are ways you can sabotage your own career.
So… did you learn anything from this? Perhaps not. Feel free to blame me for not telling you in such a way you could understand it. It’s all my fault. Go ahead….I can take it.
But it’s not going to do YOU any good.
Thanks for reading.
Interesting. I felt the nerve twitch.
Now, don’t get me wrong….I’ll be the first to note that when things don’t go just the way you want them to, it’s a hell of a lot easier to blame it on someone else than take the personal responsibility for whatever happened.
Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve never done it? Of course you have! Everybody has. Yes, EVERYBODY. Heck, I’m in almost constant self-analysis and even I realize that.
It feels good to go home and rant about your lunatic boss, doesn’t it? Pound on the table…kick the cat…stomp your feet; This guy makes your life a living hell! Or, it’s a coworker that just got promoted when you CLEARLY deserved it! Sure, it feels good! Have a couple of drinks. It gets better, right?
Well, the only problem with that strategy is that, in all likelihood, you’re full of it. Oh yes! Not only that but on some basic level, you know you’re REALLY full of it, which is what’s REALLY pissing you off.
So here’s the thing: it’s unhealthy for you. It’s unhealthy for your career too.
There is a mechanism in play here – a mechanism of a self-limiting and destructive nature – which also happens to be self-perpetuating in an infinite loop. It kind of works like this:
- Things don’t go the way YOU want them to go. You get angry and blame others.
- But, deep down, you know it’s your own damn fault.
- You start feeling guilty and ashamed of yourself so you beat yourself up.
- Your self-confidence drops and your self-doubt rises.
- Your work performance begins a steady spiral…down.
Round and round it goes…and you end up with a self-perpetuating slow destruction of your career. To make it worse, it’s very easy to slip down that rabbit hole. I personally have found myself gripping the edge on numerous occasions in my life. I’ve developed very strong fingers.
Well, now that we’ve all had this brilliant flash of intuition, I bet you want to know how to stop doing it. How do you break the loop?
Aye, there’s the rub.
My daughter posted a quote the other day that I love, and it illustrates that before anything can happen, you have to believe that it can happen….
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." —Albert Einstein
We’re all capable and smart enough to make a change in the way we do things if we just stop and think about it. The challenge is HOW to do that.
Most assuredly, the first thing you have to do is recognize the problem is there in the first place. Yup, there it is…looking at you in the mirror. Let’s call that NEWSFLASH #1. While that’s important, the second step is actually much harder. NEWSFLASH #2 recognizes that it’s a lot harder to change behavior that you’ve spent a lifetime perfecting. It’s hard work. Not many have the training to do it.
Regardless, it’s doable…but it ain’t no slam dunk. A lot of the signs you need to recognize that you even have a problem aren’t all that obvious since most of us aren’t consciously aware of our own self-limiting and self-destructive behavior. After reducing my medications for additional clarity (less Scotch), I dug a little deeper into the subject. I find that there are some things that you can look for that clearly are ways you can sabotage your own career.
- BELIEVING THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS TO BLAME. I’m going to roll the dice a bit here and gamble that it’s unlikely there’s some conspiracy to hold you back, that we’re all out to get you, that everybody has opportunity but you or that your boss and all your co-workers are raging a**holes. It’s YOU. That’s right. And thinking it isn’t you? Well, that just what’s holding you back.
- PUTTING YOURSELF AHEAD OF YOUR COMPANY. What goes around, comes around. It may seem counter-intuitive, but if you actually put the needs of your company first, it’s the best way to get ahead. Going above and beyond the call of duty eventually pays off. That’s just the way it works.
- INSTEAD OF LISTENING AND LEARNING, YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER. Looking for someone who has some deep seated feelings of inferiority and insecurity. Look for the know it all. It’s overcompensation for what’s going on inside. And you know what? Everybody knows it and sees it but them. So when you act that way, all it does is make you look like you’re holding up a big sign that says “I’m not worthy”!
- FEELING LIKE YOUR ENTITLED TO SOMETHING, WHATEVER IT MIGHT BE. It’s one of my pet-peeves. People throw around the “entitlement” word a lot these days, but if you’re in business…here’s a very basic and simple truth: You’re not entitled to diddly. Now, if that’s news to you, then great, you heard it from me first and can blame me. Oh but, there’s this one thing: You ARE entitled to work your butt off and maybe someday make something of yourself. That’s about the size of it. The simple truth here is that whatever you feel you’re “entitled” to have in life, you’ll never get.
- BELIEVING THAT THERE’S SOME MAGIC SECRET TO GETTING AHEAD. God gave you a brain and the ability to use it and it’s going to take every bit of what you have to become successful in the world today. He also hopefully gave you wisdom which you learned along the way and energy and focus. Ironically then, every moment you spend thinking there’s a better way works against you by taking from you what you need to succeed; brains, hard work and learning from your experiences.
So… did you learn anything from this? Perhaps not. Feel free to blame me for not telling you in such a way you could understand it. It’s all my fault. Go ahead….I can take it.
But it’s not going to do YOU any good.
Thanks for reading.
